Hello again everyone,
I'm not sure how or where to begin. I tried to start from the beginning but it
felt stilted and I felt disconnected from what I was writing. I guess that's how
I've been dealing with it all these years, by disconnecting and not allowing
myself to feel what was happening. I was sucked into the whole Steiner thing
because I deeply desired community, and I had never really fitted into the
conventional frameworks, so I was so relieved to discover these hippy dippy
folks who looked and sounded just like me. When it all fell apart I totally took
the blame on board and thought that it was me, my son, and our social
difficulties. Now after reading this thread (sorry but I do not have the time
right now to go back and read the other whole thread) I'm scared because it
looks like I might have to start ripping the scabs off that old pain, for both
me and my son to heal. I have so many regrets about what happened to my son as a
result of my blindness, I so badly wanted to fit somewhere. So I have mixed
feelings about having discovered this thread. It's so good to know I'm not
alone, it's scary to start to look at it all again and face the fact that maybe
it wasn't all my fault, you would think I would be relieved about that wouldn't
you but actually I realised that I am frightened to put our story up here. What
if...... gulp someone reads it and recognises who I am. I've moved half a world
or more away from that community but I still want them to think well of me!!!!!
How nuts is that.
Oh well, gotta go make dinner for the lucky younger ones for whom a
Steiner/Waldorf education is NEVER going to happen.
Oh does anyone else think it curious that they are Steiner schools in Europe but
Waldorf in the USA?
Is it your fault if you were led to believe one thing and then it turns out that
you were lied to? I don't think so. Everything in WS is crafted in such away
that unless you have a problem, you may never know what is really going on
behind the scenes. Which doesn't make anyone who has broken away a bad person,
how are you supposed to know? We wanted to do what we thought was "best" for our
children. Unfortunately Anthroposophy doesn't encourage doing what's best for
the individual child who doesn't fit into their molds like they should.
You should know you didn't do anything wrong. They may want you to think that
you did something wrong but your children come 1st. It takes courage to break
away and you should be proud of yourself.